So by now most of you will be aware that the creators of Heavy Metal themselves, Black Sabbath, have reunited (again). No doubt all the posers among you who first heard of Black Sabbath via "School of Rock" are overjoyed at this, and will be digging out the one and only Sabbath album you own (let me hazard a guess here and say that it's "Paranoid", the format is MP3, and you didn't pay for it) and listening to it for the second ever time. I too will be giving "Paranoid" a listen, but on original pressing vinyl. I'll give you some time to go google the last word in that sentence before we move on.
Yes, even noobs like you who get their news from the likes of Metal Hammer and Kerrang are aware of this event (NB: I don't know if either of those shitrags has actually run an article on this, because I don't read them. I certainly wouldn't put it past clowns of that caliber to leave it out to make room for a review of the new Asking Alexandria album). You might also be aware that they are recording a new album, which in due time you will be downloading from Blogspot and pretending to like.
But before that is their tour. When I first heard heard of this (months before you and at a secret demo tape trade in Norway), I expected a proper arena tour, where they and their fans could celebrate the reunion and enjoy a full two hour setlist of Sabbath's glorious music. I was expecting the opportunity to go to a Black Sabbath show. How wrong I was.
It's a festival tour.
The horror…
If I were to go see Sabbath I would have to go to a festival. To make matters worse, the closest one to me is Download . The problems with festivals, if they are not already known to you, will be discussed in detail some other time, but the most obvious problem is the shit you are subjected to before the band you actually want to see takes the stage. Imagine going to a gig and having to sit through 10 support acts before the band you really paid to see took the stage.
IT WOULD BE DIRE, and this is essentially what a festival is, but in a muddy field and surrounded by fat drunkards. And it goes on for days. I have no idea what madness possessed Sabbath when they agreed to do Download. They're sharing a bill with Prodigy. The other acts for the festival have yet to be announced, and I have no doubt that this isn't the worst of it.
Even at this early stage, the tour isn't worth getting excited over, unless you're the sort of person who enjoys the nu-metal crabcore abominations that Download ("brought to you by Pepsi Max, ROCK 'N' ROOOLLL!!!!") hires every year in droves.
I'll be waiting for the album and subsequent arena tour.
D.
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